it's so

lame.

aperitif

the jug is gone, the
sweets poured out,
i've come to love
the tea of doubt, this
loose leeway
spelled wrong, of course,
cause if it's not
you'd lie, but worse;

oh, three am, you're
late but checked, your
coat is all but
nothing left, so
smile, and dance, and marvel
in
the words which we
create within.

~k.

. that's right. sometimes i like to rhyme. but at last i can spell it.

fridays

i'm dually impressed with myself tonight.

first, because i somehow managed to finagle my way out of the rest of my shift tonight. i am currently in bed, about to watch harry potter and the goblet of fire with my cats and some kickass pad soon wen.

secondly, i have spent the day thinking about what i have accomplished in the last couple of months. i come home exhausted every night but it has all been worth it. physically, i am bruised and scratched up, war wounds and marley burns and inverting on silks, scaffolding, and makeshift bars. emotionally, i am radiant... i feel as though i have somehow given the skin of my mind a chemical peel or a deep avacado-black sand exfoliation.

things have been making so much more sense recently... revelations about movement and evisceration of distractions flip flop on the shores of my reason, the beached silver tarpons at low tide. it was confusing at first, but now that i've made it through that tornado of work, i'm hungry to take on some more. my appetite is growing as my waist is shrinking... the blood is boiling through my veins and into the steamy seaport dusk, into the movement in the studio and beyond, beyond, beyond.

i'm reading three books right now, all of which are chipping away at different pieces of my mind, and i feel lighter, more fluid, and calm.

so harry potter, a beer, and solitude for tonight, all in the comfort of my own bed. this really is a well-needed arrangement.

~k.

anonymous

"perhaps the most terrible (or wonderful) thing that could happen to an imaginative youth, aside from the curse (or blessing) of imagination itself, is to be exposed without preparation to life outside his or her own sphere - the sudden revelation that there is a there out there."

tom robbins, jitterbug perfume


i think it's best
we never meet,
heroes against heroes
and such.
you talk like you know
me
but i could be anyone ~
annoying.
harsh.
loud.
i'm none of those
things, actually,
and if i'd give me
a second i could
breathe
and remember art imitates life...
hah.
i forgot that
i sold my soul for
a butterfinger in '96
and i forgot
that i had an overbite
the size of
the grand canyon
and i forgot i
told myself that
love
was something you read
on the back of a
milk box...
these verbs i use are not applied
to the life that i
know and use.
i am ~
this.
and this.
and this.
previously mentioned.
indicated, the
present.
welcome to
new york, i
guess.

~k.

oh, smile

i could say
the things that make you smile
cause you know i'm thinking of you at
4:38 am.
i could say the things
that make you smile
cause you know i have 13 minutes
to smoke this cigarette.
i could say the things that make
you smile, cause
you know your smile
hasn't been around, i
could say
the things that make
you smile
cause they're the things
that make you smile,
but i won't, cause
discreetly,
you're smiling, and
i hate it.
you'll never know
my red satin sheets
and
you'll never know
my red satin smile
and you'll
never know my 13 minutes
cause you didn't want to.
and you most likely
didn't ever try.
so draw my face
and write your words
and live your life
without me.
cause
i will never
be that
big
ass
heart
you'd ever love.

~k.

definitions

let me delineate.

nerve (nûrv)
n.
1. Any of the cordlike bundles of fibers made up of neurons through which sensory stimuli and motor impulses pass between the brain or other parts of the central nervous system and the eyes, glands, muscles, and other parts of the body. Nerves form a network of pathways for conducting information throughout the body.
2. The sensitive tissue in the pulp of a tooth.
3. A sore point or sensitive subject: The criticism touched a nerve.
4.
a. Courage and control under pressure: lost his nerve at the last minute.
b. Fortitude; stamina.
c. Forceful quality; boldness.
d. Brazen boldness; effrontery: had the nerve to deny it.
5. nerves Nervous agitation caused by fear, anxiety, or stress: an attack of nerves.
6. A vein or rib in the wing of an insect.
7. The midrib and larger veins in a leaf.
tr.v. nerved, nerv·ing, nerves
To give strength or courage to.
Idioms:
get on (someone's) nerves
To irritate or exasperate.
strain every nerve
To make every effort.



i would like to pay special attention to: number 3, especially to numbers 4sub a-4sub d, and to the idioms of the verb "nerve".

my friend, you have no idea how much the nerve was hit. ain't no novocaine that covers those lousy tracks.

~k.

facebook sucks

i can't stand you.

literally, i look at your pictures and i loathe what you are, what you are doing and not doing, and how witty you believe yourself to be.

and i hate that, cause it's fucking up my whole mantra.

send light, send love, and let it go?

not for you, buddy. the way that you treated me, the way that you lied to me, the way that you casually shook it off like it was NOTHING... well. that's certainly what i was to you, was it not? nothing. straight up, plain language, nothing.

and what's worse, is that i stuck around because i believed in who you were and how much talent you had. i believed what you said to me and the thousand "i love you"'s you shoved down my throat cause you knew you could sleep in my bed longer if that's what you said.

i'm more angry at myself than you, i guess, cause i'm a smart girl with no common sense when it comes to love. i'm a girl that believes pretty words with good punctuation and proper grammar, and you knew enough to keep me around.

ugh. if you spent as much time working on your life as you did posting pictures to your stupid blog, you would have made so much more out of yourself than you are now. but it's not my decision, it's yours, as it always has been. so fuck your girls and download your pictures and pretend like how you treated me was cool.

it's not cool. and neither are you.

~k.