the one thing that made up for ashlee simpson's acting skills

"fame is a bitch-goddess. fame is the froth, man... it's nothing; it' foam. fame will break your heart, brotha. but creativity... passion... that's where it's at. you look for fame, you lose your soul. you look for creation, you find it."

-a really really predictable romantic dramedy called Undiscovered

the movie was horrible. but this quote, this quote i think is genius. it's effective and affective in the same breath. most people who want to be famous do so for the wrong reasons... the money, the parties, the drugs, the paparazzi...

but the ones who really hit it big, using their talent as a platform as opposed to their bodies or ability to be a puppet - those are the ones that have that spark, that inspire people to be creators and in turn, inspire others.

i don't know how pop stars and the new tween starlets do it. dealing with the paparazzi on a daily basis, even when it's just a trip to the drugstore or starbucks? no thanks. they are always on par, for the most part, full makeup and trendy outfits and a smile. it must be grueling, and i wouldn't want to constantly think there was or could be someone always watching me. that's creepy as fuck. it isolates their world so much, and makes them less likely to explore. or break down. or do the necessary things humans need to do for their internal files to work well.

my brushes with "fame" were so insignificant i don't even think they could be included in that heading. i was "known". but even that sounds ridiculous, because the people i was "known" by weren't really big players on the scale of showbusiness. i was "noted". there, that sounds better. known but not well. famous in my own right. a much much smaller scale.

like when i did that national campaign. it reached my friends in manhattan before i even knew i was in a popular men's (not nudie, alright) magazine, and when i saw the actual ad all i could think was how ugly i looked in the picture. it really was unbecoming. and of course, that's the picture that they published. it's me, why would they think to print an ad that made me look halfway decent? well, my father was so impressed that he went out and bought five of the magazines and started showing it to all his friends. so i was known, for a hot minute, as freddy's daughter, who was in an ugly ad in Maxim. wonderful.

or when i went on tour with a famous rum company. i toured the midwest in a limo branded with their company name. and of course, to anybody not driving in a branded limo was prone to thinking that we were in some way, famous, and that they should take pictures with us and get our autographs. this was always perplexing to me as well, because these were complete strangers who had never seen me before who thought they should cash in. i was famous by association. fantastic.

or when i teach on conventions. because i tour with dancers in the industry that have actually been involved with major celebrities like madonna, christina aguilera, britney spears, and janet jackson, i am lumped into their success, even though i've never seen any of these stars in concert, much less choreograph for them. this doesn't really make me upset more than depressed, because at the end of these weekends i look back on my life and say, "i've done nothing. anthony was touring with britney spears at 19. my life is unfulfilled." and even though i could give a shit that i was never on her "onyx hotel tour"(which i'm sure was the epitome of creative genius), i look at their careers in wonder, because ballet doesn't offer the same things that jazz and hip-hop can to dancers. money and fame-by-association.

but in all honesty? i would never want to be of that status. i like my life, walking on the streets and people watching, riding the subway without the use of bodyguards, and overall having one of life's most precious weapons...

obscurity. being able to be alone, which is something i like to do a lot. i couldn't imagine walking down the street and having my picture taken if i'm not being paid for it, or seeing my face plastered across all the tabloids with titles like, "superstar gains 5 pounds after stint in rehab," or, "are kathryne and john stamos getting married? the secret wedding in the bahamas." i couldn't deal. and on top of everything else, is my past, which is peppered with certain things i never want anybody to know. let's keep them hidden for the sake of my pride and probably a lot of other's as well. and i would really like not to be disowned by my family. that's on my list of things to do in life... not be disowned. i've come really close. but it hasn't happened yet.

if you look for fame, it will eat you, because it's a vicious cycle. everyone wants a piece of it, with no regards to you. they want your money, they want your style, they want the parties you go to and the scraps off the table. they could give a shit if you overdose, because there's always someone new around the corner to prey on.
creativity, however, will secure your abilities, and in turn your confidence. that's where the good stuff is. people respect you for what you do, not what you are on that stage and then at the afterparty. flourish in the passion to do something you love, and you will have it made. none of that other stuff will matter, because it doesn't effect you the way you affect them. the internal creates the external, and this goes as well in show business. most of the "talent" in hollywood is about as talented as my right leg; it's pretty to look at but without the rest of my limbs is worthless. those starlets and singers and models need the internals to step up, otherwise they'll never be famous. how shallow must that feel... oh, poor beautiful, fake plastic faces, crying saline tears. i feel for you.

don't watch undiscovered. although the way it was shot gets a couple major points in return for just how long you have to wait for your predictions to come true, it is still about two hours of your life you will never see again. and that's just a waste.

k.