today = beautiful.
slight breeze from the southeast.
one of those not-too-bright suns, the kind that makes everything a little fuzzy and golden.
iced teas. with lemon. and mint.
solid sleep schedule. ballet in the mornings and a tepid shower before work. steeped in smoke and satisfaction. today feels amazing on my skin, like wearing an old cotton t-shirt to bed. today reminds me of why i paid tall prices for sacrificial rite.
off to work.
tra-la-la-la-la
~k.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
dumb and dumber
big gulps huh? welp. see ya later.
the more public we get the more mystery we lose. as my father so gracefully put it, facebook takes the hypocrisy out of human nature, and it's wringing out of us the meaningful interactions that we need for strong relationships.
yes, hypocrisy. it's like the pan of necessary personal-feeling gods. we need to have the ability to tell someone not to do something and do it ourselves. without that option, the glass will always be half full, and it will always have someone else's lipstick on it.
well, now, everything is public, and people can read, comment, and browse through personal pictures online. the iphone makes it so that you can do all of this on a shuttle bus going from grand to lorimer when the L train shuts down some weekends. just a quick fix and you're on your way to the gig...
well. i must say that it's difficult NOT to give in to the temptation that at least you're getting information from somewhere... oh, what's that? right. including here.
irony, hypocrisy, big gulps.
~k.
the more public we get the more mystery we lose. as my father so gracefully put it, facebook takes the hypocrisy out of human nature, and it's wringing out of us the meaningful interactions that we need for strong relationships.
yes, hypocrisy. it's like the pan of necessary personal-feeling gods. we need to have the ability to tell someone not to do something and do it ourselves. without that option, the glass will always be half full, and it will always have someone else's lipstick on it.
well, now, everything is public, and people can read, comment, and browse through personal pictures online. the iphone makes it so that you can do all of this on a shuttle bus going from grand to lorimer when the L train shuts down some weekends. just a quick fix and you're on your way to the gig...
well. i must say that it's difficult NOT to give in to the temptation that at least you're getting information from somewhere... oh, what's that? right. including here.
irony, hypocrisy, big gulps.
~k.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
states and capitols
towns. states.
all these pronouns for the
people i like
a lot.
maybe
when someone says,
"my name is______"
i should just say
"hold on..."
and then
"is your name a
name
of a state or a capitol?"
and when they say
yes
i should politely
excuse myself to the bathroom
and leave
the building. states
and capitols
have no business
around me.
~k.
all these pronouns for the
people i like
a lot.
maybe
when someone says,
"my name is______"
i should just say
"hold on..."
and then
"is your name a
name
of a state or a capitol?"
and when they say
yes
i should politely
excuse myself to the bathroom
and leave
the building. states
and capitols
have no business
around me.
~k.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
bring a kerchief
i saw war horse on saturday at the vivan beaumant theatre in lincoln center. if you don't know what that is, you should watch this:
it was one of those plays that gets inside of you. it bounces off the walls of your mind like a ping-pong ball. i started crying about ten minutes in and didn't stop until the end. i'm going to have to realize eventually that i am just not able to watch stories about the friendship between animals and humans without a waterworks session, maybe ever.
remember the movie homeward bound? holy shit, i thought my eyes were going to fall out of their sockets on that one. all dogs go to heaven? spent three days afterwards in bed with mild depression. what is it about that bond that we have with an animal that makes me so sad at the threat of loss?
i don't even get that depressed about breaking up with someone. and granted, while i've had death suspended in front of my face for the last couple of years between my father's and grandfather's cancers... i haven't lost someone close to me since jackie died, which was in 1992. some of my acquaintances have done stupid things over the years and have lost their lives due to poor decisions being fucked up on massive amounts of drugs and alcohol, but none have ever been so close that it has affected me. and even when it comes to someone like my grandfather, who's death seems imminent due to old age and a decreased immune system from radiation therapy... well, i know his life has been thorough and beautiful.
it is our impending death that will always teach us the value, beauty, and fleetingness of life.
i guess when it comes to an animal that you are close to, it's like the raw non-judgement of a child... animals don't give a fuck about your past and how you have fucked up yourself and friendships in a selfish plight to find your path. they don't point fingers or tell you how you could be a better person. they are your friend, and all they want to do is cuddle on cold nights.
okay, so maybe my cats also enjoy pissing on my laundry and if i had a horse it would be really uncomfortable to cuddle on cold nights even though i do have a queen sized bed. but still. animals don't judge you. and that's why i get so sad when there are movies and plays about them where they may die.
warhorse was unfuckingbelievable though, and i suggest that you see it immediately.
~k.
it was one of those plays that gets inside of you. it bounces off the walls of your mind like a ping-pong ball. i started crying about ten minutes in and didn't stop until the end. i'm going to have to realize eventually that i am just not able to watch stories about the friendship between animals and humans without a waterworks session, maybe ever.
remember the movie homeward bound? holy shit, i thought my eyes were going to fall out of their sockets on that one. all dogs go to heaven? spent three days afterwards in bed with mild depression. what is it about that bond that we have with an animal that makes me so sad at the threat of loss?
i don't even get that depressed about breaking up with someone. and granted, while i've had death suspended in front of my face for the last couple of years between my father's and grandfather's cancers... i haven't lost someone close to me since jackie died, which was in 1992. some of my acquaintances have done stupid things over the years and have lost their lives due to poor decisions being fucked up on massive amounts of drugs and alcohol, but none have ever been so close that it has affected me. and even when it comes to someone like my grandfather, who's death seems imminent due to old age and a decreased immune system from radiation therapy... well, i know his life has been thorough and beautiful.
it is our impending death that will always teach us the value, beauty, and fleetingness of life.
i guess when it comes to an animal that you are close to, it's like the raw non-judgement of a child... animals don't give a fuck about your past and how you have fucked up yourself and friendships in a selfish plight to find your path. they don't point fingers or tell you how you could be a better person. they are your friend, and all they want to do is cuddle on cold nights.
okay, so maybe my cats also enjoy pissing on my laundry and if i had a horse it would be really uncomfortable to cuddle on cold nights even though i do have a queen sized bed. but still. animals don't judge you. and that's why i get so sad when there are movies and plays about them where they may die.
warhorse was unfuckingbelievable though, and i suggest that you see it immediately.
~k.
Monday, July 25, 2011
curvy
i have found a new obsession, and it may or may absolutely be a career path i'm currently projecting for my future.
.
cause, let's face it, i may really suck at it. but i always thought it would be really cool to be able to tell your grandchildren that the checks you write to them are made possible because their grandmother creates and sells these:
that's right.
latex clothing. i have always loved super cartoony fashion... the shininess of the latex and the clean, structured colors create a realistic yet fun and kinda ridiculous sense of fashion humor. i'm seriously obsessed. it seems as if my love for bows and hello kitty has manifested itself into a career. i knew my degrees would pay off, one day.
cafe panache tomorrow, excited and tired and ready for some sleep.
~k.
*the website tutorial where you can learn to make little gloves is http://makinglatexclothing.com/category/tutorials-and-how-to/ ch-ch-check it out
.
cause, let's face it, i may really suck at it. but i always thought it would be really cool to be able to tell your grandchildren that the checks you write to them are made possible because their grandmother creates and sells these:
that's right.
latex clothing. i have always loved super cartoony fashion... the shininess of the latex and the clean, structured colors create a realistic yet fun and kinda ridiculous sense of fashion humor. i'm seriously obsessed. it seems as if my love for bows and hello kitty has manifested itself into a career. i knew my degrees would pay off, one day.
cafe panache tomorrow, excited and tired and ready for some sleep.
~k.
*the website tutorial where you can learn to make little gloves is http://makinglatexclothing.com/category/tutorials-and-how-to/ ch-ch-check it out
Saturday, July 23, 2011
rule books are for sissies anyway
i thought that when you got to a certain age in life, you just, well, had everything handled.
you knew automatically what was in your checking account so that you would never overdraw. you would be responsible enough that you wouldn't ever think of overdrawing your checking account in the first place.
you would know when to gracefully decline and when it's the right time and place to assert yourself gracefully as well. i don't know the line betwixt graceful and loopy.
you would know how to talk to people you think you love, and you would know if you should tell them you love them too, or if you should ever even do it in the first place. THAT one has gotten me into trouble over the years.
the first time my father ever cried in front of me was also the only time i have ever seen the man employ his tear ducts. my parents were getting separated and he was moving out; he was at the end of his ropes and he thought his life as he knew it was over.
of course, it wasn't, but the theme music that constantly played in the background with him was pointing to "devastation". a really beautiful strings piece, if i do say so myself.
i remember him hugging me, i remember him teetering on the line between okay and crazy, and i remember him stumbling over that line as he sobbed into my shoulder.
"i'm sorry. don't let this ruin you. i'm sorry, i didn't know this was going to happen. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry..."
it was my first adult realization that we don't have rule books for life. he didn't know what the fuck he was doing when he made the decision to rear a child, much less three of them. he guessed, and went on instinct, and from that point on, i knew i could never blame him for the stupid shit he did to me thinking that was what was going to make me a better person.
rule books don't exist. and if they do apply - they're limitations. it's freedom or restriction, and there's not alot of gray area between.
~k.
you knew automatically what was in your checking account so that you would never overdraw. you would be responsible enough that you wouldn't ever think of overdrawing your checking account in the first place.
you would know when to gracefully decline and when it's the right time and place to assert yourself gracefully as well. i don't know the line betwixt graceful and loopy.
you would know how to talk to people you think you love, and you would know if you should tell them you love them too, or if you should ever even do it in the first place. THAT one has gotten me into trouble over the years.
the first time my father ever cried in front of me was also the only time i have ever seen the man employ his tear ducts. my parents were getting separated and he was moving out; he was at the end of his ropes and he thought his life as he knew it was over.
of course, it wasn't, but the theme music that constantly played in the background with him was pointing to "devastation". a really beautiful strings piece, if i do say so myself.
i remember him hugging me, i remember him teetering on the line between okay and crazy, and i remember him stumbling over that line as he sobbed into my shoulder.
"i'm sorry. don't let this ruin you. i'm sorry, i didn't know this was going to happen. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry..."
it was my first adult realization that we don't have rule books for life. he didn't know what the fuck he was doing when he made the decision to rear a child, much less three of them. he guessed, and went on instinct, and from that point on, i knew i could never blame him for the stupid shit he did to me thinking that was what was going to make me a better person.
rule books don't exist. and if they do apply - they're limitations. it's freedom or restriction, and there's not alot of gray area between.
~k.
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