Thursday, May 24, 2012

GLAD girl

i feel like you can
right through me, my
lies don't stretch as
far as my legs can. and
then i think, well, if
i'm as sheer as pantyhose
(not the ones you buy
at duane reade, the
ones that estate sales purge
for $.50) then what the fuck?
where do i go
from being a pretty girl
who has nice words?
what will you think
of me when you
the ugly?
it's 7 am and
i'm still catching my breath, still
clinging to the clock.
i wish you were here, but
i'm glad you are not.
oh, me, the one with
dreams like moon-tides and
a glass wall so thick...
i'll give this up
soon enough.


Tuesday, May 15, 2012


i wonder what it was like to know you forever ago, before all the cracks started to happen and the unhappiness set into your bones like stale jell-o, before you decided to be so so cool and talk about all things macabre; back when you had normal hair and a blank body. i think to myself, hey, i guess everyone has their own way of validating themselves but i know in the bottom of my ribcage it's all a lie, you're all a lie... it's been too long since we've talked but in a thousand ways not long enough because i know all the terrible things you did to me and then after thinking them you blamed me for not being able to let go even though, that too is a lie, because how can you let go of something that was never even there to begin with, even i know that all you were was an image of who i wanted you to be and you let me think that because again, you thought it was cooler than what you could ever be. i have questions like, have you ever heard that song and couldn't help thinking of me for hours afterwards even though you hate that song now and you hate me even more for being the umbrella in THAT cocktail... but not too many questions because even though it's been hard it hasn't been impossible to regain the little dignity i had when you washed me down the drain, just like that.

now what i like to do is write pretty words about a boy i never really knew, because at least i know something came out of it that people can read and ask themselves why we have to go through bad hallways to get to really nice rooms, why the sky has been grey for two days but the sun's all like, move over bitches, i'm going to show you why you love days that i dominate. maybe someone will be helped and it makes all of everything that you never were to me, better.

my future has never been brighter, and i can't thank you enough for the bullshit you fed me. what an ironic gift.