Friday, December 30, 2011

7,000 wednesdays

that word looks
as unfamiliar as

mad libs
make for great


Friday, December 23, 2011

one minute left til tomorrow

sometimes, when i feel like everything in the world is smashing to the ground, i don't know which way i can climb down, and that my brain feels like it's trying to claw its way out of my skull...

i talk to some of my friends and realize that everyone is bat-shit fucking crazy. and it makes me feel like i'm actually pretty okay.

merry christmas.


Thursday, December 22, 2011


the new year is once again upon me.

they are going by faster and faster, things don't ever seem to stop moving around me, i myself have seen how much i have moved over the course of the last ten years...

and i still want more. i see all of these beautiful things in the future... i see a new career focus and a new lease on life and love... i see my metabolism slowing down and my crows feet gaining momentum against the corners of my eyes.

i have seen love come and go, i have witnessed an entire career slide out from underneath my feet and replace itself all taped up back in my palms, i have experienced friends and the loss of friendship in the same...

another fucking year. still smiling, still standing, still swollen with hope. 2011 got me out of the rut of 2010. 2012 will be what catapults me into a whole new world.

merry christmas to you and yours, who, or what, ever they might be.


Monday, December 19, 2011


and while it was tiring, i absolutely loved every minute of it. every dirty, offensive, un-PC second that it had to offer.

now it's time for sleep, and work.

yay. :)


Sunday, December 11, 2011

a carrot for the horse

that was my problem.

i saw potential.

one day... you're so much more... it will come...

hm. that's the issue with potential. it's not a real thing. it's like an "i'm sorry"... until something is proven it remains that single statement. potential means nothing the same way that saying "i'm sorry" over and over remains redundant.

you are what you are until you decide not to be it. so seeing "potential" is about as valuable as seeing a hundred dollar bill on the other side of bulletproof glass. the goal is so close you can almost touch it, see the little red grains floating on that minted green paper... but you are still a broke sap wishing you had that bill in your pocket instead of dangling in front of your face.

oh, well. i guess that's how we learn what we don't want, isn't it now. recognizing the difference betwixt potential and drive. ones a pipe dream, the other, a highway.


Monday, December 5, 2011


"The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses -- behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights."

this just made my day SO much more beautiful.

thank you, to whoever said this.


without a 5 year difference

congrats... she's really a beaut. let's hope the tragic downfall of your character will not supersede your ability to keep her for longer than a month.

i could say i'm bitter about what happened betwixt us, i could also remark on how i feel like it's all your fault and you never did enough and you cheated on me and lied to me and made me feel like i was the ugliest girl in the room cause how could you ever treat me that way when i had so many other offers i turned down on a daily basis and i could express that you never worked hard enough to get a job or keep one or buy me anything that was over the 5$ value meal price at wendy's...

but i was a drunk, and you were a kid, and now you found a pretty girl who's not one of my friends or ex-students to love and really, i'm happy you have. i hope you will take your mistakes and mine and run with that knowledge, so that you can have a relationship with someone that's not totally destructive and temporary. we were never meant to be, nor were you with the girls that you chose before, and i could tell always that there was something under the surface you held for this girl, so... go.


just don't fuck it up.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

that's not how your fucking name is spelled and you fucking know it.

one of the things that bothers me most about humans is the sense of entitlement they can achieve if they think about themselves too much.

you are not the best dancer of the group. you have missed my rehearsals in the past because you just didn't give a shit. and you do not know the intensity of my schedule, so you can shut the fuck up right goddamn now.

it's a shame you will never read this, because i just don't have the energy to let you know that your schedule and your life is no more important than mine, dear. i hope someone else will clue you in, because i simply could give two shits about you.