Sunday, June 22, 2008

the underdog

theres something to be said,
for beautiful days,
ones that are crisp and
clear of the settled city haze,
and still, so still
of a quiet this, a languid this,
a chelsea shoreline of casino boats
and hypothetical dead bodies,
the wind whipping
my hair into my mouth;
a poolside lounge, oil
crisping my skin brown;
an hour in my bed,
alone and lonely now,
filling the void
of words once so sweetly
this is put to rest, this
enigma of wandering
proportions, of
chaos and kinetics
inside my mind,
i don't like it's grin
any more than i
lend myself to it, which
in turn, is none...
and again, i
read my myths, my
saccharine lies
and see again,
how vacant i've left

it was pretty today, and i did nothing but lay by the pool and rehash the past.

it seems however much i have learned about the game, i have never engaged myself full up inside it, and this, i see now, is what leads to my eventual demise.

a dreamer, a visionary, a threefold romantic... hah. all just titles. when it comes down to it, i truly believe i just may be an idiot for love, a believer in things less than worthy of my time. i wish for things that won't be, because even though i feel i know who the underdog is, i am the underdog.... if you know how things will end up, it's never surprising when they end. but still i root for them, the same way i wish they would keep up their end of the bargain, with this never ending hope that they will someday prove me right.

the problem is, i don't want to believe there is bad in people, people who i love. people who i want to know more of, people who just don't want me in their life. i can't climb any more walls. i'm tired of giving you all my cards. i just want you to let me be, and go on without me rooting for you any more.

i'm not in the best sorts, right now. i wish... hah. i wish, i wish, i wish.

i wish i would stop wishing for once. the same way you did a while ago.


Saturday, June 21, 2008

let's be honest, gurl...

Monday, June 16, 2008

light bulb

off just as easy as that
so easy, too
easy, you
and my room
gets dark with day, and
frowns upon
my bewildering behavior, this
"stupid girl" and
"maybe next time" kind
of light
is toxic and
poison to my veins;
throw me a bone, a
line, that
lets me know
where you are,
even though i'll never know
for sure
if that's where you are
until i am
where you are...
i'm good.
thanks for asking.


Wednesday, June 11, 2008

again, again, again...

so late, this
and i think about you
my fingers wave across
the keyboard
you question
pulse, i
dont even know what
to say anymore,
a fractured thought
to my systematic
do you care?
do you think of what
it does to me, this
separation, this
i guess i may
never know...


Monday, June 9, 2008


hm. only time will
tell, i guess,
that age-old adage
working it's way back
into my life,
lke a splinter, this
thorn in my foot (i
would say
but how cliche)
this, whatever this
mya be, is
spinning me
without spotting my head,
feels like untouchable
looks like unworkable
tastes like the
untasteable, like
colors on my tongue...
new things.
what have
i done?


Sunday, June 8, 2008

full throttle

Friday, June 6, 2008