Wednesday, March 30, 2011



shut up.
i can't take you
in my head
these ghosts
are too pretty, too


Monday, March 28, 2011


settle in, settle
down, children; know
that detentions are passed out
at the sight of
an untucked shirt or
unruly behavior... hour
by hour with the
dunce cap on your head
til you've learned
(even though mistakes,
however unfortunate,
tend to repeat themselves
at vain and egocentric
children); know that
as you grow up
(whatever that means)
you will have less
and less margin
for those mistakes,
especially when done
to the same person
over and over again...
know that the heroes
you love are also
the villians you hate, which
eventually will translate
into your relationships,
too; know
that age isn't wisdom
and youth isn't innocence,
and the only way to
be immortal is if
people talk about your life
after you're gone.
no, children, your
days here are lucky
and fleeting and
if you manage, you will
one day know all these things
before you have lost
everyone in your world
that means something to you.
in the meantime,
turn to page 357 and read
chapter six, "the
psychological remnants
of abandonment".


Sunday, March 27, 2011

getting high

hm, as it seems, i have been a busy, busy bee.

or rather, a busy bunny.

busy bunny booking beautiful gigs that bestow brooklyn and thereafter better burlesque than before.

excessive, a mite bit. i have been so busy, in fact, that i have neglected to pour out my heart online for the last couple of weeks. forgive me, loyal reader, it has been quite a pressing month.

march has kind of been feverish with emotions... from the fight on natalie's birthday to the two gigs that dead bunny has had at crash mansion, and training on the rope as well as dance classes (and a highly unfortunate foot-sprain relapse that took about two weeks to recover, or at least, get not all that painful from). i've been teeming with energy, most of which has been positive and productive.

there have been a couple instances that have been less than desirable, which usually comes back to people i trust that let me down. but what am i to do? i have been one of those people at one point or another as well, so... hi, karma. nice to see you again. what's that? oh, of course, do you prefer earl grey or chamomile?

meh, it doesn't matter. i have done so much stuff this month to push forward that a couple setbacks won't matter. i am harry potter, after all, right?

i have been working on a new apparatus that anya and i call "the loop", which is comprised of a straight rope tied together at the point on the tress. imagine a head of a noose, the bottom of which hangs to about eye level with me. experimenting with point shoes as a fulcrum and learning which way i can lean to allow myself to spin until i invert in the air onto the rope has been amazing... at certain points the world goes away and everything becomes mixed and blurry, like when you melt crayons on a hot pan. it is the first aerial apparatus i have felt comfortable on, and that i feel i can progress on. i have officially fallen in love with an inanimate object, again.

better than something to break my heart, but a little boring in bed ;)

dead bunny is getting on the radar a little, as we have been performing at crash mansion twice this month and are booked again for two more shows in april as well. we are trying to get a residency show at the charleston on bedford in brooklyn, and i would love to do something at galapagos in dumbo. all on the horizon...

and to top everything off, i just did my first stilting gig at kiss n fly in the meatpacking district. despite my biggest fears on stilts (which i was kind of forced to conquer almost immediately) which are stairs and stray collins glasses on the floor, i had a blast, took pictures, and drank champagne with no major injuries. my heels are a little sore, but i think i can handle it.

all in all, the close of march is welcome. time for spring, time to clean, time to get this show on the road. so far 2011 has been a blast, and it's going to stay that way. <3


Monday, March 14, 2011

in the ashes of fawkes

i am reading harry potter.

there, i said it. i didn't want to, i didn't buy the books, and i'm going to stick by the fact that this was NOT MY IDEA in the first place. it was natalie's. she insisted upon the material, she bought the book set, and she reveled in the fact that i finally consented. and truth be told, it was like pulling teeth to get me to peruse the slim first book, harry potter and the sorcerer's stone.

that was three weeks ago, and i'm currently on book six, with one more book before i say goodbye to the characters i've come to love so deeply.

with no trace of cynicism at all, i am quite ashamed to say that i think this is one of the most epic and well written series of my lifetime. wait... where are you going, most loyal readers?? no, it's... it's a good series!!! you should try it - please don't leave! they really are a good read!!!

just kidding. no one reads my blog. that last part was for my deflated confidence in the ability to make good decisions about popular literature.

i feel though, that as i watch this character and his friends grow older, even being a wizard cannot save him from the perils and struggles of life lessons and the devastating emptiness of the loss of persons you love. through the course of a story about an orphaned boy growing up with a secret he's only just been introduced to, the reader begins to realize that invincibility is only do to luck and circumstance. he eludes many a dangerous situation only by that combination (well, and the fact that he's a fucking wizard who has a pheonix-tail feather wand) and possibly in addition to a quick wit.

i am so into being a wizard. i loathe every day that goes by that i can't go to diagon alley and buy a broomstick or go into the forbidden forest and pet a fucking unicorn. being a muggle sucks.

in the same respect though, invincibility should be chalked up to the petrification of courage. we remember the hero, not the one who got away and lived to tell the story. but what does it mean to be a hero? is it simply courage and the ability to execute it? not all courageous people are heroic though... napoleon and hitler were courageous, but their foolishness and greed eventually overcame their plights of "courage". maybe they should be considered "advantageous" instead...

no, to be invincible, to be unconquerable is quite a feat. it's something that starts from the inside and works it's way out. it is a seed that has to be nourished and continuously fed.

it starts with conviction. with the understanding that no matter what decision you make, it has to be correct. it just has to work. it has to... if you don't believe it, then who else will? okay, it starts with conviction. check.

it continues with respect, for yourself, the decision, and the people it will affect. mass murder is not necessarily the most rational decision, as we have seen displayed in the holocaust. it kinda makes people angry.

and i guess lastly, at the end of the day, invincibility is the capability to walk away from destruction with the knowledge that will eventually allow you to thrive again. lessons are there for a reason, and it is proper to, in the case you were wrong, to learn from those decisions and know not to repeat them.

well, shit. under these circumstances, it looks like i may not need an invisibility cloak after all, or the nimbus 2000. it seems my lightning bolt-shaped scar is found inside of me... and as it turns out, i'm looking more and more like a pheonix anyway. to burn and rise again, i guess.

oh, but harry potter, you will always be my hero.


Wednesday, March 2, 2011

old friends

i miss you, and i wish i still knew you.

life sucks, sometimes.