in the ashes of fawkes

i am reading harry potter.

there, i said it. i didn't want to, i didn't buy the books, and i'm going to stick by the fact that this was NOT MY IDEA in the first place. it was natalie's. she insisted upon the material, she bought the book set, and she reveled in the fact that i finally consented. and truth be told, it was like pulling teeth to get me to peruse the slim first book, harry potter and the sorcerer's stone.

that was three weeks ago, and i'm currently on book six, with one more book before i say goodbye to the characters i've come to love so deeply.

with no trace of cynicism at all, i am quite ashamed to say that i think this is one of the most epic and well written series of my lifetime. wait... where are you going, most loyal readers?? no, it's... it's a good series!!! you should try it - please don't leave! they really are a good read!!!

just kidding. no one reads my blog. that last part was for my deflated confidence in the ability to make good decisions about popular literature.

i feel though, that as i watch this character and his friends grow older, even being a wizard cannot save him from the perils and struggles of life lessons and the devastating emptiness of the loss of persons you love. through the course of a story about an orphaned boy growing up with a secret he's only just been introduced to, the reader begins to realize that invincibility is only do to luck and circumstance. he eludes many a dangerous situation only by that combination (well, and the fact that he's a fucking wizard who has a pheonix-tail feather wand) and possibly in addition to a quick wit.

i am so into being a wizard. i loathe every day that goes by that i can't go to diagon alley and buy a broomstick or go into the forbidden forest and pet a fucking unicorn. being a muggle sucks.

in the same respect though, invincibility should be chalked up to the petrification of courage. we remember the hero, not the one who got away and lived to tell the story. but what does it mean to be a hero? is it simply courage and the ability to execute it? not all courageous people are heroic though... napoleon and hitler were courageous, but their foolishness and greed eventually overcame their plights of "courage". maybe they should be considered "advantageous" instead...

no, to be invincible, to be unconquerable is quite a feat. it's something that starts from the inside and works it's way out. it is a seed that has to be nourished and continuously fed.

it starts with conviction. with the understanding that no matter what decision you make, it has to be correct. it just has to work. it has to... if you don't believe it, then who else will? okay, it starts with conviction. check.

it continues with respect, for yourself, the decision, and the people it will affect. mass murder is not necessarily the most rational decision, as we have seen displayed in the holocaust. it kinda makes people angry.

and i guess lastly, at the end of the day, invincibility is the capability to walk away from destruction with the knowledge that will eventually allow you to thrive again. lessons are there for a reason, and it is proper to, in the case you were wrong, to learn from those decisions and know not to repeat them.

well, shit. under these circumstances, it looks like i may not need an invisibility cloak after all, or the nimbus 2000. it seems my lightning bolt-shaped scar is found inside of me... and as it turns out, i'm looking more and more like a pheonix anyway. to burn and rise again, i guess.

oh, but harry potter, you will always be my hero.

~k.