Sunday, June 22, 2008

the underdog

theres something to be said,
for beautiful days,
ones that are crisp and
clear of the settled city haze,
and still, so still
of a quiet this, a languid this,
a chelsea shoreline of casino boats
and hypothetical dead bodies,
the wind whipping
my hair into my mouth;
a poolside lounge, oil
crisping my skin brown;
an hour in my bed,
alone and lonely now,
filling the void
of words once so sweetly
this is put to rest, this
enigma of wandering
proportions, of
chaos and kinetics
inside my mind,
i don't like it's grin
any more than i
lend myself to it, which
in turn, is none...
and again, i
read my myths, my
saccharine lies
and see again,
how vacant i've left

it was pretty today, and i did nothing but lay by the pool and rehash the past.

it seems however much i have learned about the game, i have never engaged myself full up inside it, and this, i see now, is what leads to my eventual demise.

a dreamer, a visionary, a threefold romantic... hah. all just titles. when it comes down to it, i truly believe i just may be an idiot for love, a believer in things less than worthy of my time. i wish for things that won't be, because even though i feel i know who the underdog is, i am the underdog.... if you know how things will end up, it's never surprising when they end. but still i root for them, the same way i wish they would keep up their end of the bargain, with this never ending hope that they will someday prove me right.

the problem is, i don't want to believe there is bad in people, people who i love. people who i want to know more of, people who just don't want me in their life. i can't climb any more walls. i'm tired of giving you all my cards. i just want you to let me be, and go on without me rooting for you any more.

i'm not in the best sorts, right now. i wish... hah. i wish, i wish, i wish.

i wish i would stop wishing for once. the same way you did a while ago.


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