m&m's

wicked wind, and
little spikes of ice
hitting my face... out
there on broadway and
flushing, under
trains and sirens hurting
the space between my ears.
it was talk, talk, talktalktalk
and, "walk this way" and
"call this doctor" and
geez, so many hallways
with padded footsteps and
squeaks of rubber.
and i held your hands
and told you, no,
you're not blue-paper-gown crazy,
as you cried and cried and cried.
but i still left alone, and
you still are alone, up
there in the third ward
of the fifth floor.
it reminds me we all need
to be fixed, somehow, and
in a way, the safest places
can also be the scariest.

~k.

gracias

i wish i had
a pen at all times.
then i could ink
the city on my books;
my love, my
whiskey and wine
my,
oh, my,
you sing to me
when you don't speak, you
make love to
me
when you don't move...
i could never ask
for more.
and if
you think i have,
i'm lying,
right?

~k.

vagina to spite me

so maybe it's come to this. fuck all my friends, fill up that hole, make girls cry on the side of the streets until they have no more dignity to live. wrap it up, throw it out, rinse, repeat. oh well, i guess that's how these games go, right?

what really sucks is that i felt like shit for the way i treated you, i really did. i realized i put out popcorn strings when i was lonely and i needed someone to make me laugh. but i can't be sorry, cause i found out that you were doing the exact. same. thing.

lies beget lies begets sadness begets sadness.

hope you recognize the failure of your words vs. your actions.

k.

cab to the bridge

little boxes
in all their white glory, under
stars and shine,
those lights look so big
from the williamsburg bridge
oh,
the glory of these
little fireflies
oh, the tired of
their eyes, they
give me the minutes that
make
the hours that
make the days
that make my life.
love.

k.

wish you were here

i'm such a jackass.

i'm sitting here, listening to my roommate blowdrying her hair and singing along to her stupid country music, looking up quotes to describe the hole in my heart.

ironic. some girls wait their entire lives to get engaged and be with the one they love forever (or until the divorce settles, in many cases). i have been perfectly fine without being engaged, until i met someone who blew every other person i have ever been around out of the fucking water. now i am engaged, but i now have to wait just to see him, like three days out of the month. and so it is... leave it to me to find someone perfect but never have them close enough to savor the taste.

i write alot about the stupidity of love and the quest for this seemingly untouchable person. well. i found him...

i just can't be next to him. and it's killing me and my stupid heart.

~k.

carbon copy

she looks just like
all the others, pretty
much... she only looks
a little like me.
we are all a
california red table blend,
easy to drink, to
savor, to finish off
before a quick bj
in the back before going
back to your doesn't exist job.
we give you
a nice buzz, a
sweet ache at the wake,
only just enough
for you to become
what you are
again.

she does look
like the rest, though,
don't you agree?
or
do they look like her?
lucky, lucky, lucky.

cliche

i can't
i can't help it, my
heels over head, my
oh my
i look forward to
cinderella nights and
nietzsche days, all mossed
up with glass and
reality, both entwined
in legs and booze. you
who i love, and
you, who loves me...
let this be
this sunset on the 'rise...
the brilliant pink
do yet we see.
the sun, it sets, on
you&me.

~k.