Thursday, January 5, 2012

and another thing...

all people can't be as brilliantly open as you, i guess... and when i say "open" i'm saying it completely sarcastically because there's no way in hell that you could possibly lecture me on being "open" and "honest" and anything else you didn't fall in love with me for; now you're angry and i'm sick of explaining it to you - and while we're on the subject who fucking says i have to tell you anything in person? i've told you like 85,000 times in person and YOU STILL DIDN'T GET IT so i figured a phone call would be just as effective, even though at the end of it you said "this is the worst possible thing you could do to me" and i was thinking, no it isn't. i could do much much worse, like i could have cheated on you or told you things like, hey, as a 28 year-old woman, the first gift you give to me probably shouldn't be a shot glass and a tourist t-shirt you easily could have re-gifted to a friend you hadn't see since college or your grandmother or someone you don't see every fucking day; or i could tell you things like, the honesty sure passed your tongue by when the topic of "love" or "goals" or "abortions" came up. no, it was all good on that front, wasn't it? but then i'm the asshole for trying to let you down gently and caving to "talk to you face-to-face" even though we had already had the same conversation three or four times before that but we insisted we could be friends but we couldn't and for some reason, i'm the one to blame.

someone call walter FUCKING cronkite... i can't accept full responsibility for the demise of our relationship because it just wouldn't be true; and even though i'm sorry i hurt you, guess what? take it away, mohandas gandhi... "nobody can hurt me without my permission."

i wish you never gave me permission.