151 days

i guess it
affected, you.
and that sucks,
that i have to
presume...
five months is
151 days; not
half a year, exactly.
but it's too long
for you to do
so little, so
politely.
i seem shallow, so
transparent, so
selfish.
but it's because
i can't keep reading
the dust jacket
for the next 151 days and
beyond it...
if i can't turn the pages
and i can't turn back clocks
i have to turn back
to me, lost
in music and movement and
more,
more,
more.
i need more.
open palms,
willing eyes, to
turn
letterstowordstosentences
to paragraphs about you and me.

so for now, i guess
i'll wait
and dance and
try to smile.

for the best.


i'm disappointed. it sucks having to come to conclusions and make grown-up decisions. this has most recently translated into me losing friends.

when we're young all we want to do is be an adult. and we scoff at our elders who tell us to enjoy our youth and not try to push the hands.

i always respected it when they said it, figuring they knew what they were giving up upon gaining the numbers to drink legally and fuck whoever you want.

taxes. disrespect. complicated relationships. bills. bills. bills. std's. groceries. dating. hair appointments. chasing dreams. making a living. a compulsive addiction to leather boots.

these things all blow! and they're all why "experience" equals "knowledge" to me. when did this road get so bumpy?

le sigh. chin up, buttercup. the decision was already made up.

k.