cleaning the slate

how does this shit happen to me?

last year on new years, i was face to face with the man who left me in pursuit of better things, in my deli, ordering pastrami. this year, i was in fact stating that i never came to the morgan stop on the L train anymore because i was apprehensive about running into my ex, who used to live around there... and as i turned the corner, i literally almost ran into him and one of his friends.

what the fuck, universe? why do you insist on doing this to me?

last year, the universe decided it would be funny to drop someone who has affected me more than my favorite snack of pickles and cheese, someone who claimed himself that he never hung out in brooklyn, someone who just was clearly not that into me and didn't know how to just say so... the universe dropped him into my random corner deli to buy orange juice as i was buying pastrami. didn't see him before that, haven't seen him since. but the omen was apparent.

tonight, walking to my good friends' house deeper into bk than i usually go, i am TALKING ABOUT the other ex who fucked with my head in a different manner equally as bad as the year prior to, and we almost do a body slam on the sidewalk.

tomorrow i am taking a sabbatical from the life i lived last year. i am going to put space in my joints and smiles in my mouth. i am going to fuel my body without whiskey and (try to) breathe nicotine-adultery free breath from my lungs. i am going to climb silks into the sky and spin golden webs in the lyra.

sometimes, being looked in the eyes by your past can be a very, very good motivator.

k.