Saturday, May 21, 2011

pushing through

and so she flew.

it was good to finally get all of that stupid floor from under my feet away. to spin into nothingness and let the edges blur. to feel music and limbs wrapped up into a beautiful black silk. weightlessness, rather.

setting out to do something and finally accomplishing it is enlightening. seeing my dancers up on stage for sold out shows, seeing my name on the program under "choreographer", seeing pictures of me doing something i have always wanted to do... i'm progressing. it's happening, and i didn't realize it because i was too heavy inside of my head. but there's proof in the pictures and the people who have helped me get to where i wanted to go.

it's like getting a haircut. at first, the bob is really shocking because you've had long hair for your entire life, and you're used to putting it up into a ponytail or how you should style it for pictures. but then you chop it, and you don't know what to do with it. you don't know how it will react when you blow-dry it, you have no idea what products to use to control it, and what it will look like if you get caught in the rain.

after a little while, though, your hair calms down and you begin to understand it and work with it rather than against it, and it grows into the cut rather nicely. it becomes agreeable and you get to know this new style, and maybe you might go back to long hair but for now, you are enjoying the breeze on the back of your neck.

ballet is my passion. movement is in my blood. but there are so many new levels to explore with the air, and i am more than happy to go on adventures. i have learned much about what i am capable of over the last couple of weeks. and i am proud of myself.

so cliche and awful. but that pride is going to just get stronger with time and experience. conquer the world you say? alright. one silk at a time.


ps: these are the last 2 nights to see this show. i will be choreographing a cabaret in late june, so if you miss $piderman you can catch the dead bunny cabaret next month. :)

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