not sorry, me

oh, me.
selfish me,
dishonest me,
subject to
fallibility,
hypocrisy me,
illegitimate me,
egomaniacal misery
me,
brash,
rude,
disrespectful me,
proven to be shrewd,
and untrustworthy...
though from the
beginning
when i planted
my seed
the praise was given
so readily -
good for you!
so proud,
so faithful you see,
unrelenting in
love,
unequivocally,
no doubt, no
fear, no
projected strategy
was upon what
you held
so tenderly.
and now, what
a mess, what
a monstrosity
walking away from
moving forward, it seems,
due to my "free spirit"
and momentous
intensity, this
apple has fallen
far from it's tree...

le sigh.
easy
was never meant
to be.


if nothing else in life, we are to enjoy it and make stupid decisions regarding no one else but ourselves. call it immature, call it brazen, or whatever the fuck stigma you can attach to it. i call it human, and if we aren't that, then i guess we are just droids walking around in people suits.
i'd much rather view people in light than in dark, and if that gets me into trouble or kills me, even, than well... i guess those are my stars, right?
the point is, and so often forgotten, that we don't control anything that happens. it's called fucking life. so no matter cop car or cab, if it's my time to go, it's my time to go. otherwise, i would be wracked with nerves about everything, from going to the supermarket to going out for a drink at night. shit happens. get over it.
the reason why i love my life and at the same time, why people can love me, is my outlook. so take it or leave it, it's all i got to keep a smile on my fucking face every day. otherwise, i'd be diagnosed with the rest of prozac nation, and you know what? i sure as shit don't have a chemical imbalance and i'm not going to cry depression just because i'm scared about failing or dying or getting jumped or life in general.
shit happens, to everyone. we make bad decisions, we make good ones. sometimes both lead to incredible things, and sometimes both lead to death. that's the beauty of the grab bag of life. i'm sorry if it hurts. but i'm not sorry for being who i am, as unrealistic and stupid as i can be sometimes. it's what makes me awesome.

k.