Monday, June 29, 2009

word to the wise

why do you insist on trying to be my friend?

i don't trust you, i don't like anything you do, and i hate your face to the point of gruesome fascination with your larger than life gum-to-tooth ratio party you have going on in your mouth. i have no desire to talk to you, to hang out with you, to see you when i come back to visit the south. to even think about you makes me want to punch walls. any wall. pick one, and i'd like to wreak havoc upon it and it's immediate family.

i get that everyone has moved on, and that you have a boyfriend, and that you have settled in to atlanta and evidently gained some "i'm comfortable with me" weight. but that does NOT constitute you sending me a friend request on a non-confrontational internet networking facilitator so that you can somehow pry your way into a life that has nothing to do with you. i'm not saying you're consumed with the thought of who i am. i'm saying you're curious about the woman you never were to the boy that you loved unrequited, and because you made the conscious decision to sleep with with that boy while i was across the country, we can never be friends.

cause you would do that again. and i know this, because i'm not the only girl you have pushed aside to make yourself feel better about your ailing career and gummy smile. you would do it again, cause secretly, you will always hate me, and that's the only way you can get back at me for someone liking me better than you. the same way i will always you.

ladies, if you fuck another girl's boyfriend and then lie about it, talk about it behind their back, and then try and rationalize your poor decisions in a letter to that girl, please use your common sense and don't try to reach out to her. no matter what, even if she does "accept" your apology or friend request, inevitably it will be because of the age old adage... keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

in my world, i don't keep enemies close at all. fuck enemies. it takes too much of my precious energy to hate you, and it pisses me off i spent so much time being curious about your sorry, boring life. we will never be friends, and i will never voluntarily talk to you, ever. we have nothing to talk about except the size of our mutual ex's member. and that makes for a very awkward conversation, doesn't it then.

so no. i do not accept. i laughed, right after i vomited a little in my mouth.




  1. listen. i have been trying very hard to keep my weight down and we will never talk about the size of our mutual ex's member. i hate it when you talk about my shitty writing. : p xoxx

  2. vomiting? At least we know that you're a pro at SOMETHING.

  3. i'm also a pro at spelling and fitting into a size two. what can i say? vomiting just comes naturally, dear. i love that you read my blogs. it means so much to me that you're getting tips on how to write ;) kisses

  4. good lord i missed the 5th grade. woohoo!

  5. who are you to talk about fucking someones boyfriend behind their back??? r u kidding me? ive seen first hand how you like to break apart relationships. you suck not only b/c you bash others for doing exactly what you yourself have been guilty of... you also tell yourself that your a better person for fitting into a size 2. i guess if it helps you sleep at night... fyi i fit in a size 2 also...but i didnt have to expel my dinner to do so. have fun with your unicorns you fucking freak!


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