Monday, December 21, 2009

turpentine chaser

days go stronger,
this length, it gets
longer, but
my spine stands
straighter and this head,
screwed on tighter
my temples hurt less
by a vice loosening
by these warm nights
whipped by wind,
burned by snow and skin
fingerprints fade from cheeks
blushed by thoughts
from foreign palms,
brushing away
ice from eyelashes
like the dust on all
corners of life,
settled in after shaking
voices quieted and
calmed.
the flecks of paint chip
and my walls warp with
these questions,
but the silence lends
rest to a saturated brain,
and for that, thanks
are abound... cause my
hands are heavy, laden
in lead jackets,
protecting my bones
from the frostbite
of your biting knife.
a fever-seed, this
newfound light, it's
growing stronger with
every missed smile
and forgotten glance.
tomorrow's a new day,
and once again,
everything's going to be okay.

once things got quiet again, they should've just stayed that way. even now, after everything that has happened to me and even the things i have implemented myself... i still have faith in people. shit. i even still have faith in myself. it may be small, but it's strong, and it's a fighter.

it would have to be considered so. for me to be rocked this hard so many times... and get up from the kicks. i've been kicked everywhere...

the ass: coming to new york
the head: losing a friendship over a relationship
the gut: listening to a pretty mess of words
the chest: my father's cancer
the ankles: jack daniels (that one's a combo of my destructive habits and stilettos)

and that's just the first few. there's even a couple repeats. probably more than there should be for someone who's traveled as much as i have. but. regardless. it's been a wild ride.

i guess i'll never know how things will turn out. the cuts and bruises of my everyday life will eventually not mean as much once the skin has healed. i don't even scar that bad in most cases. maybe that's why i forget and give people the chances they probably don't deserve. but then again... can't that be classified as faith? running on a hunch... believing even when you've been knocked down and drenched in sorrow?

no matter the final outcome, no matter how severe the burn can feel. i will always have faith in others. and it will either pay off, or wind up killing me. but since i know death is inevitable, i may as well hope for it to pay off. it's better than taking a grudge to my grave.

k.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks...I needed to read that right now. Love you.

    ReplyDelete

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