Sunday, February 28, 2010

a letter to a brand new no-one

dear you:

i'm more angry with myself for believing you than i am for your reaction last night.
you have proven to me how unreasonable you can be, over and over and over. and what's so funny is, you point your fingers at me and tell me i'm dishonest and disloyal to you...
but i have come back every time. that proves my loyalty, doesn't it?

you have a lot to work on. one thing being your ability to twist things so disproportionately that they become brand new, warped versions of the situation at hand.

just because i wanted to push dinner back an hour does not mean i was dishonest about wanting to go to dinner with you, or that i was in some way jacking you around. that is ridiculous. i just wanted another beer with my best friend. last night's argument became a comedy of errors, with you losing power and steam as you were screaming at me.

have you lost your good sense of judgment, or have you never had one in the first place? do you treat everyone like this? is this why you don't have many friends and you burn through girlfriends like oil in an '82 mercedes SE?

as angry as i am with myself for sticking around, i'm glad i did. i will liken being with you to being on a massive rollercoaster sitting next to a child throwing a temper tantrum every time he knows the drop is coming... this is how i regard you. you are a brilliant artist, someone i wanted to learn things from and about, someone who has shown me this beautiful gentle soul.

but the coaster's fall feels like the wooden tracks are in need of great repair, and you have repeatedly shown me again and again that your maturity level as well as your capability to take responsibility for your actions are both so far down on the radar that i'm not sure if you will ever build up enough to treat me with the respect i deserve and demand.

it is unfortunate. but at least you were just the replacement of something i valued much more, so the loss is just unfortunate, not regrettable. don't think that you have damaged me in any way, my dear. you have painted this relationship laughable and undermined it's existence every time you throw your little tantrums.

if anything, i have damaged you. you will never find another person with my attributes, this i know. i may be flawed, i may not be proper, and i may have some kinks to work out of the system.

but i'm fucking awesome. and for you to think anything less makes you a moron. you should do yourself a favor, and get over yourself. cause one day you're going to realize people don't stick around for that kind of shit as long as i do. most don't have the patience and wherewithall to wait it out. i am the exception, not the rule. hope you like small spaces, cause that pedestal only has room for one. good luck with that.



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