Thursday, May 20, 2010


TEN. bad music.

NINE. methface.

EIGHT. the inability to make a good movie. or even make a bad movie look okay on the movie poster.

SEVEN. being able to google "lindsay lohan drunk photos" and have over 25 pages of links to pictures of you bombed out of your mind. my favorite: lindsay lohan drunk (i.e. her normal state)

SIX. having this trainwreck as your mother-slash-enabler. ugh.

FIVE. having a younger sister that wants to be just like you, even though you are a coke-and-famewhore out of work actress who spends money on shit you don't need, never wear, and can't afford. you're fucking fifteen. put on a normal size dress and take off those hooker heels, lindsay-in-training...

"ALI, ON BIG SISTER LINDSAY: "I grew up watching Lindsay, and it made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you…it's so cool when people look up to you. I've already been asked for my autograph, and it's just a really good feeling to have."

FOUR. being genetically related to michael lohan, tied with himself in first place as the world's biggest douche and most horrible excuse for a father in the history of the world, up in the rankings with other bad excuses for humans such as bill o'reilly, kanye west, and biff tannen from back to the future. you're awful, michael lohan. go kill yourself for the sake of the rest of the population.

THREE. becoming a lesbian only to date a woman who looks like a nineteen year old boy. samantha ronson, really? i mean, really. couldn't you have gone lipstick, lindsay?

TWO. being compared to a pill-popping home-wrecking actress who overdosed before the age of forty. i love myself some marilyn, but her downward spiral is eerily parallel to lindsanity's.

ONE. being lindsay lohan.

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