Sunday, February 20, 2011

revising the standard

i used to get teased by this boy in the sixth grade because i was flat chested. he relentlessly reminded me how, if flipped upside down, i could be an excellent snow sled. it upset me not because i wanted big tits, but because i was concerned that no man would ever like small ones... which meant i was going to be alone forever.

i didn't really understand the concept of forever at eleven. forever meant until high school, probably, and obviously i got over the phobia. it turns out that a lot of men like us un-busty girls, and i don't have to go out and get a funbag surgery to find true love.

mainly because i'm pretty sure it doesn't exist. but that's just the cynic in me, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

no, no... i actually refused the same boy sex about eleven years after the teasing had passed, and was able to use an alternate reason by the same guidelines as his jeers, yet to his adult face, which i'm going to go ahead and say it vindicated me wholly. i barely remember middle school and all of those awful things that were done to me now, because i'm older and i don't care anymore.

cause i still can go and get a breast augmentation to make my chest bustier. there's nothing you men can do about the size of your member.

sucks for you.

i would say we always want what we can't have. but this wasn't about that. it was me hoping that one day, i would find someone based on what they saw that they loved inside, and not date me just to have a good picture taken.

i went to atlanta to perform with my old burlesque company last week. i stayed in the apartment that my ex and my ex-friend moved into when i wouldn't get back together with him and he had to accept his sloppy seconds, who last year i was actually able to tell to fuck off in her own apartment. that was lovely. now my friend davi masi lives there and the whole energy was light and airy... such a welcome change. the weather in atl was beautiful, too, a breezy 50 most days i was there. i drank with old friends, cleaned up some dirty laundry, and went shopping in little five points. i got my hair cut, performed in a couple shows, and remembered who i was before moving from the south.

it was nice to get away from the city, from certain ghosts that i just can't seem to shake. and during all of this, i realized no matter who i was in the past, flat-chested or otherwise, i have been loved for who i am and not for my cup size. granted, i've been tossed aside because of it as well, but no one an ever say they broke up with me because i was too flat. and in the wake of losing the one thing i thought was real a year and a half ago, i can certainly say i have never felt stronger.

i don't give a shit if you don't like my chest. i think it's great, so suck on that.



  1. Some can have everything that the world says that they should have, and never have a clue as to what it is that they need. Many have nothing and know they do not need anything to be who they want to be.

    Then there is always the one who has everything, needs nothing... and on top of it they have a view and the words to show their view to everyone who is willing to try and see it. For me, I love the latter of these.


  2. Kath for President 2012!!!
    and it's too bad Hurricane Crazy and I won't be talking anymore... I really wanted to built that candle lit shrine of you and invite Ol' Crazy over. Damn.


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