Tuesday, April 27, 2010

character, shmaracter...

there are days that i barely recognize the past. then there are days like this, when everything seems to sit on top of my chest.

sometimes i feel like there's not enough air around me to breathe. or that i have forgotten how. and my heart starts palpitating and i think about everything that has gone wrong and everything that could go awry so easily. i get shaky and scared and nervous and laden in regrets i would never normally identify with.

but after a couple minutes of re-teaching myself the process of filling my lungs, i calm down and force myself to remember that today is going to pass, like all the others, and the losses that i have had in my life have happened for reasons that i will come to learn later.

i guess i have to remind myself that it's all about the wait. that patience is considered a virtue for good reason, because it's hard. instant gratification is simply a good lottery ticket that leaves you with money-hungry "friends" and "relatives", and a bushel full of taxes at the end of the year.

good things will come. it's hard to wait it out, but at least i'm keeping busy with dance and work. one day i'll understand why people come and go like the wind. nothing is forever besides death, and i'm not ready for that yet. so until then i guess i'll just keep waiting.

besides, success wouldn't be as delicious if everything was super easy. even still, life's lesson's kinda suck sometimes.

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