a bible! it's called a bible...

taking responsibility.

is not.

saying you're sorry 10,001 times.

the more that phrase, or any phrase for that matter but especially THAT one, "i'm sorry."

oh. okay. so... you're sorry. it implies everything yet amends nothing, and is used in place of the actions that are supposed to vindicate the situation. "i'm sorry" is not an action. it's simply a veneer.

so, taking responsibility would be awareness of the situation vs. the consequences, and amending the problem at hand. this does not mean one has to be a footstool for another who they wronged. this means that in a situation where "i'm sorry" could be used, so could be determined it should never happen again, not only because the action hurt the protagonist of the story, but also caused the antagonist to hurt for hurting someone they cared about.

inevitably, what we have here is called being an "adult"; that is, be responsible with other's feelings, or you in turn will hurt. kind of like that "do unto others" bullshit that's found in that book catholics like to say they study from.

don't say you're sorry. just stop hurting me, and then i will know you're sorry. duh. why is that so difficult to understand?

there is a danger in this, though, which is taking too much responsibility for others feelings, which in turn leads to people wiping their muddy-ass keds across your face. i'm talking doormat, people, and i have been one in the past. i feel bad for people who tell me they have problems or drama or negative energy in their life. i FEEL for them, man, and i have lent a lot of cell phone minutes to talk about their "more-important-than-asking-how-you're-doing-in-your-life" problems. the conversation is as one-sided as kim kardashian having high tea with stalin. i'm sick of talking about your larger than life ass. shut up already!!!

balance is good, trying to walk that line between highs and lows. i want more balance in my relationships... i want to dust off the ones i think can be saved and put the other ones out on the curb. i want to have a friends who allow me to push and pull, not just be a therapist, and i want a romantic relationship i don't have to dictate a schedule to. i want to be so busy with light and love that all the other shit just fades away, like honey in tea.

i want for people to stop apologizing to me, and start showing me. and i want to do that myself, for myself, as well.

first nice day of the spring. cleaning the attic and cobwebs off my mind. there will be spic AND span in here, soon.

~k.