Friday, March 21, 2008

don't lose me, now...

what was it
that you said, again,
i lost it along
the way, the
of fleeting promises
trapped in virulent

the beauty that
was in your words,
the gently placed
security, now
negated secretly,
in a life
hidden so carefully...

if you think
that this is in the bag,
that i am
dispensible and
soldier on, well,
i wish you’d speak
up now, for soon
i’ll be lost just
like the rest.

i was told the other day that i was like the last page of a book you haven’t been able to put down for days. i haven’t been told anything like that for a long time, heard or seen anything like that on paper for what i presume to be, too long. and it’s funny, the person who told me, doesn’t even live in this state, much less come home with me every night.

we get so distracted, so easily, from things that we should know introspectively, and lose sight of what we have accomplished and who we are. and while i’m happy that i’m a more humble breed, because i truly feel there is no need to advertise your greatness, that i should probably accept compliments a little more readily, and then try my hardest to believe them.

i may be a cinic, but i believe in truth. whether it be love, or just simple words on paper, it’s out there and it’s right in front of our eyes. and it’s hard and cold and real, but if not for that, then what do we have but a fantasyland of cartooney bobble heads and fluorescent birds that sing? i think i have lived there too long, tried to create a world that everything harmonizes as they drink their morning coffee.

i don’t know if i will ever get to the point where my cinicism doesn’t jade my daily thinking, and i don’t even necessarily know if i want to. but one day i have to get to a point where i can look at myself in the mirror, and believe i am a bottle of sparkling water that has been handled to much, and understand that’s a very beautiful thing.

thank you to the author of these words. they are the things that clarify my boring murky tap water.


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