a windy twilight

raindrops on the window's edges,
sliding, sinking, pushed
to their death
under the whirr of rubber tires
and oil slicks
too much haze
to look
to far ahead;
semi's trudging forth, yelling
"get out my way" as
the wheel careened back
and forth
through my shaking hands
how perfect life has been,
these last few weeks despite
eveything it has not offered me,
i thought,
envisioning my car
bouncing off another, glass
slipping down my cheeks
through ruby rivulets of blood,
the surgeons sighing, picking
shards out of my eyes
under contacts melted in my iris,
an inconvienience and hassle
to their busy lives;

and under the gentle
hush of my shower voice
i slowed down the moment,
my face, frozen indicision -
was it
speed up or
slow down in a fishtail -
as my car lost it's grip
on the road and reality,
me, sitting zero, it spinning 120 mph,
and silence,
the lights and scalpels
and the beeping of the
machines, cold
on my lifeless chest.

until i pulled off my exit,
parked in my lot,
and opened my front door.
funny the things
we think of in the rain.

k.


though i think there is such beauty in passing, i tend to forget the human in everyone, and that the tangible connection you felt to the person is lost forever. i just wanted you to know that i am sorry for your loss, even though you will probably never read this, and if you did, you may never care i wrote it. but. i hope you will find the beauty he left behind, and find strength you never knew you had.