mine forever

(original post: october 5, 2007)

i forgive you
but not because of who you are
i love
who you are, this
fucked ruby gem
in an avalanche of
benign diamonds, boring
and listless and
normal, like
flowers on a first date.
you are brilliantly
fucked up,
beautifully
fucked up,
and life isn't as funny
without you in it.
these tears
are filled with static
as my body
lay on the ground,
one hand
clutching the empty bottle of
little white dolls,
the other the handle
of an empty bottle
of whiskey,
my eyes open, unmoving
as the cleaning lady
screams out dios mio, runs
to call the ambulance.
the doctors don't know
fuck, i
should have their jobs,
and i sit
and think of how
i'm gonna tell her...
you have never left me.
i promise i will never leave you.
i forgive you
for yourself.
will you be mine forever?

k.

life is temporary. the thought of losing someone is almost as bad as it happening. i am sick of losing things. over the last couple of months, i've lost an apartment, a future, a family, my trust, and a really great pair of adidas sneakers. if i lost my best friend... i'm devastated about thinking about it. i forgive you. i forgive you, now just don't leave...