Monday, March 10, 2008

the queen and i

i'm taken aback
by the fact
you gave those words away,
the words
you never said
or could say
to me,
just as easy, there
they were,
for her, my lines,
the only things
you have to keep
me going in your silent-soddered
no matter how many times
i remind
myself, i keep forgetting
how easy paper words
burn bridges like it's nothing,
up in flames,
up in smoke,
against my fragile-framed
cracking my edges,
dodging the bullets...
you gave away
the only thing i loved the most
about your silence,
and what, now?
anger running through my veins
in vain, fruitlessly,
your promises
are empty and shallow,
pretty words and melodies
a distraction
to my waning belief.


i'm frustrated, with my life and with everything revolving around it. i'm tired of the omittance of certain details, that don't have to be avoided, that somehow just never get said. i'm tired of trying to push for the truth, instead, i've retreated back into this hole, allowing myself to be lied to and furthermore, allowing myself to believe that everything's okay. everything has the ability to be okay. perfection is a funny thing. we strive for this truth, this perfection in ourselves and somebody else, but what i've come to concede is that not only is it impossible, it's fucking lie. if something seems to good to be true, it is. not probably or maybe there's something that's rotten underneath, there is surely a glitch in the system.

when is it okay to speak up? did i do this to me? and beyond that, what did i do to deserve this amount of coverage? i'm not fragile, and i'm certaintly not dramatic, so why then, is it too hard to say the things you want to? are we that stuck, that far in... i guess so. because otherwise i wouldn't be writing this, and i wouldn't be wondering where i'm going to be tomorrow with this situation. because all i know is, i wouldn't mind a little heartache if that was truly what i was meant to have, and then at least i would know, what we are and what i mean.

whatever. those were my songs. at least, they used to be. i haven't been sung to for awhile now, and it makes me wonder... did the lyrics fade so fast that i never gave myself the chance to get new ones written for me?


  1. It's a funny thing how some people can look a good thing in the face and dismiss it because it's "too good". You never know till you try and if you find heartache then at least you tried......but at least you didn't just dimiss it because you were to scared to try. Life has a funny way of bringing people into our lives when we need them to fulfill whatever purpose it is, you just have to be open to know like nigiri

  2. no dismissal, though... i've been living through this determination, and it hasn't been an easy one to come to. i would never regret it but at the same time, it's something that i can't see coming to fruition.


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